If Facebook Home Were Real

You’ve probably seen this ad for Facebook Home. Curiously, I just took a business trip, tried to use Facebook Home while boarding, and my experience was a bit different:

INTERIOR AIRPLANE CABIN - NIGHT

Paul walks down the aisle to row 34. Finding his seat, he reaches up to open the overhead bin to stow a bag. Rudely, he pauses in mid-gesture to look at his phone, which he has been holding this entire time, offscreen. As he opens the storage bin, a drunken man wearing a Chicago Blackhawks jersey is revealed to be lying there. The blaring of a stadium can be heard.

PAN LEFT TO:

Another passenger closes this bin. We PAN RIGHT to show Paul closing his overhead bin, without placing any bags into it. Paul takes his aisle seat. He looks down at his phone, swiping from right to left. A tattooed redhead, clad only in a lacy thong, is taking a self-portrait with her cellphone.

JUMP CUT TO:

The same woman pops out of the beverage cart that is inexplicably being wheeled down the aisle even though the plane is still boarding.

Paul smiles, but then looks around the cabin, slightly embarrassed. Nobody seems to have taken notice. He swipes again. A puppy is shown.

PAN UP TO REVEAL:

The 30 inches of legroom has expanded to 5 feet. A woman is standing there holding the dog.

Paul mouths “aww”.

PAN OVER HIS SHOULDER TO:

A well-dressed but mentally unstable woman is standing behind a podium, addressing a small crowd.

A flight stewardess touches Paul on the shoulder.

Paul lifts up his phone, and uninstalls the Facebook Home app.